Tuesday, January 17, 2017
I have a lot of friends. I also have seen people who asking our details before they be friend with us. If we have something that they don't really into about us, they will not going to talk to us anymore. I have been treated by someone who asking my race because they all Iban in group and after they know that I'm Malay, they just act like they don't recognize me on the next day and forever.
I also been treated by someone who chatted with me asking my details first and after that, they stop replying me and it looks like they don't see the criteria of what they've wanted on me. Normally I don't really care about it, but I think they should be condemned. I'm not choosy person, I have many different kind of friends which some of them too social, some too innocent, some too holy, some too nerd, some too much enjoying their life and I don't easily get influenced by their attitudes.
I wonder why some people care too much about to other people's criteria, like races, social or not, drink or smoke, religions, careers, money and so on. I don't even see what so special about them, most of them not so nice, ugly maybe, and always think they are better than anyone else, and also yet they choose people who they want to talk to. Funny.
Friday, January 13, 2017
I've been sitting in front of my PC wondering if I have something to say here and today. Thinking that I only have two more years before I reach 30 and seems like I will fail in my life. I can't get what I want, I can't be what I want, and I can't be with someone I love. Such pathetic.
You know, I have a very big dream. I'm hoping too much for my dream. It is not easy even though I work so hard for it since I also need to considering people surround me. I'm afraid people will hurt me because I no longer believe what they believe. I'm a freethinker, I'm sexy woman, I support gay marriage, I support secularism and liberalism. I can't help myself from being too open minded. Since people around me are close minded by their religions and cultural, I just can't get away from all their hatred and scare if one day they will harm me, like a radical Muslims group at UK trying to kill some of apostates family.
Second thing is my ambition. Our country economy seems like hopeless. It is also been 2 days our Chief Minister Adenan Satem passed away. Scare what might happen after this to my Sarawak state. We all Sarawakians afraid if one day our destiny will become exactly just like Sabah people (a lot of discrimination of religions and illegal immigrants).
Third thing is about someone I love. I hate my "now" commitment. I put my loyalty so much with the wrong person. I trust a liar. I wish that I'm strong enough to move on but I need to give back what they gave to me first. I always wanted a good man in my life, treat me better and love me so much just like I love him. The best part about him, is when he protect me from evil people, judgmental bitches, or even if I'm wrong, he will stay here to support me. I'm not a woman who demand for religious man. I wish he's just like me, he don't care about stupid things. He just care about me and our future. Matured is the most important thing that he must have in a way to guide childish woman like me. When I get mad, he'll be patient and tolerated. When I cry, enough with hug and kisses.
How about money? Of course money is important. Comfortable is important, and also included love. My dream looks like so simple but the goal hard to achieve. I guess dream is just a dream.